WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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