I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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