Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
