ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
