this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
