i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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