i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
