am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
