We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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