Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need moral support for this bender
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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