she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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