I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
time to smoke my breakfast
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
