I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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