I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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