the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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