Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need moral support for this bender
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
