the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
