Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
