Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
