can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
