we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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