I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
