I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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