So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
