can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
