recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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