i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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