uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
