How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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