You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
