The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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