She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
