i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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