My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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