Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
