I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
