saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
