So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
