It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
