it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
