yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
