his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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