i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't turn off my feet"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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