I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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