you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
