Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
