youre lurking in front of me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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