Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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