Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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