pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
