i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunk is not a location!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
