Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
