perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
