if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
