i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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